Still can't sleep

Hate leh... Wad u do man, cz... 做人做 until ppl can hate u... U can go n die le luh...

Now that all these have happened already ... Dunno u luh... 你自找的.

I still maintain that I am successful in life only if I marry baby... N spend the rest of my life with her. Period.

I need to find a way to prove to her that I truly n sincerely love her...

2am... And the rain.. Is falling...

What is genuine happiness??

Is it when we laugh? Is it when our eyes sparkle with that magic glow on our face? Is it the pumping of "feel good" chemicals, endorphins, that our brain produces?

Why is it I can't sleep now? What is it my eyes hurt when I close them? Why do I tear so easily nowadays?

Should I be super strong? Wouldn't that make me very insensitive? But tearing so easily.. That's a sign of weakness...

Who am I? What is my mission in life? Along the way I'm blinded by so many things... That I forget how impt ppl close to me are.. ESP baby.. Who have been quietly sacrificing...

Don't wish to compare.. 比来比去... End up both also still unhappy.. But ayyy be fair to baby luh... She really gone thru alot leh...with her character, she did so much n stuff le... Stop letting her give in to u luh...!

You forgot wad u told yourself when u saw hw happy she was last time? Always give, until she begs for u to stop, then consider taking it a notch down... U told me yrself that u gain so much more happiness giving than receiving.. Then now.. See luh!! End up who give more?? Wake up luh cz... It's time to wake up..

At this rate that u dont turn into action ur innermost desires... I think sometimes even God would have trouble reading your mind...

Stop behaving like a kid, mr cz.. n pull ur socks up!!

I still can't sleep... Baby has been turning ard my direction many times le.. The memories keep flashing back:

- the $2 coupons.. Hehe! Who can forget the $2 coupons. Baby keep it like 宝 somemore
- the "for example" beach trip!! (wanted to throw her into the sea n play water with her, but... Hmm.. Later catch cold! No extra clothing somemore)
- the BK Spicy chicken w bacon..!! Didn't know it existed.. But it became my instant favourite! :)
- the times when baby n I cuddled to sleep, even with our hairs covering and poking on each other's skin
- "bedtimeeeee!!! Poopy bedtimeeee!!"
- the days of traveling down BKE early in the morning to fetch baby to work
- the times where I had time to find out how to soothe feet pain on the Internet.. And had baby giving me laugh number 4 when she saw the tennis ball
- the times we take picture in front of the mirror n post on fb.. Hehe!!
- "Laaa, laaaa... Laaaaaa laaaaaaa..!!!"
- the invention of "Hausa" n "Bianca"

Good times they were... Now it is time to create new good times...(regardless of whatever excuses u have)

Sometimes I wish my girlfriend checks my phone more thoroughly

Then maybe she'd see my plans...

Then maybe she'd know my intentions...

Then maybe I won't keep feeling like I'm going to cough my heart out when anything regarding breakup gets mentioned (it's a really sucky feeling to haf)

Mr cz Aka mr selfish... Stop thinking abt yourself n look at the person u love the most.

Ppl go thru so much shit le still must clear shit for u ah? Ay... U got hands got legs, cannot clear ur own shit ah?? Think of a way luh! Dunno how u get your 1st class honors de loh.. PUI ah!

Talk you idiot, talk! Keep quiet=death u idiot! Stupid cz!! *bashes cz's head*

Dunno what for study until so high, end up even expressing own feelings and intentions also so hard. I guess... I probably think too highly of myself already. seems like I really cannot multitask well.

Never had time to do anything worth mentioning for baby... All the time at work is all work, the time at home is just rest n sleep.. The time on the road is spent looking at the road.

I think no matter how innocent the car is, it certainly had brought about much misery. Sure it saves time, but.. Iya.. Dun even feel like recalling all the incidents le.

wonder if baby reads my blog.. Heh..

Can't sleep now... I bet baby also.. Saw her peek at me while I was typing. Hope she doesn't think I haf a mistress outside.. But then again, God.. You be my witness luh.. Don't talk about who big or what now.. As a fren to me ah.. Do u think I'll ever wanna find someone else to spend the rest of my life with? I really dunno how to assure baby that I'd marry her, bring her to England with me, have family with her, and remain faithful to her for the rest of my life. I'm sure u know right? You being the creator and all.. U see my intentions.. Ok luh, fair enough... I know she's been taking alot of shit from my side.. Can understand why she'd feel this way..

Haizz... What to do... You created me with a penis mah... The man has the responsibility to take everything, like a man. It's like going back to sec sch days... When I shouldn't express my feelings as raw and true as I am feeling.

No girl likes "sian ah". So probably "I'm stressed" is about the same also. gotta give also right? Cannot always take...

Aiyah... In this world, who not stressed.. No matter how stressed I think I am, there's always someone out there more stressed than me luh.. Don't find excuse mr cz .. Or.. Hmm.. Should I say... Future Dr cz? Hehe!

Sound like I'm freaking talking to myself and consoling myself sia.. Thanks angel cz. As for u, devil cz.. Fuck u!!

I need to get a hang of myself. Nothing is too big for me to bear.. So stop whining already..!! And blardy keep your promises luh!!! Last time Dad always don't keep promises.. And u told urself u don't want like him liddat.. Look wad you've done again? Abysmal, cz... Abysmal..!! *shakes head*

Cz... U gotta be strong u know...

Remember the time u just anyhow just roughly plan time to do the Kinematics Exam paper? Oh! And the MP2001 paper?? U told urself u learnt ur lesson on time management le.. THEN????!!!

Tell u hor.. You bully other ppl I don't care, u don't go bully my baby hor! U know how much she values punctuality u still hvent wake up ah? Yea I know u got work. So what if cannot finish? Who is to blame?? U urself wad!! Dont let others suffer bcos of your 烂-ness!

Hmm... Eyes also can't close... Wan sleep also can't sleep... Dunno luh... I really love my baby... But probably I show in the wrong way..

No excuses mr cz... No excuses... Wrong means wrong...





what is happiness? Happiness is

bad dream :(

I could only remember certain portions of the dream.

Baby was crying and I was asking her what happened. After several rounds of asking and re-asking, she finally told me, "I just gave poopy away luh... and i'm very sad cos I miss him very much".

Startled, I asked her why she wanted to do that. She replied in a soft voice that she thought poopy was the reason for my flu.

:( :( :(

Baby... it's totally not the reason leh... :( I love poopy like my son also and I would never think my problems were ever his fault... :(

Why you are bigger than you think

1) I learn most of life's most impt lessons from u even though you're younger than me

2) You have your own stand and it is unwavering, decisive and confident

3) I learnt the meaning of love from u

4) You show the attributes of being a mum who is even more motherly than most mums i see, even though you're not one yourself

5) You are strong willed and positive, even in the midst of negativity

6) You can outtalk a lawyer, and think of something even a lawyer could'nt think of

7) I don't even bother looking at other women not bcos I cant, but bcos I already have the most beautiful one (beauty = 10% looks 90% character)

8) You can always give me strength just by talking to me

9) You are the most creative girl I have ever known

10) You can make me smile even if you don't do anything

11) I experienced success in teaching piano from your advice

12) I get along better with people from listening to your philosophy of life (to make a difference)

13) Your ideas are clear and impactful

14) You are so confident in yourself that you are sure the criticisms were a joke

15) You can learn to tie a bun in so many ways!! (and better than the trainer at that)

16) You can master a piano piece that takes a piano student 3 weeks or more just to play acceptably

17) You can tell wad I want to say just by looking at the shape of my mouth

18) You can laugh so heartily and just rejoice in the happiness of life

19) You can multitask even though u think you couldn't (fry egg, wash dish, serve guest, refill stuff, check in/out, smile etc)

20) You can think super freaking fast

21) You appreciate the small things people do for u

22) You treat people who treat u nice, doubly nice

23) Your thinking is more matured than 2 people who can add up to > 100 years old

24) You see things in ways I cant

25) You can have a thousand and one ways to make me smile

26) You are the most humourous girl I ever know and will know

27) You are so good I want you forever n ever

28) You make me realise my strong pts and weak pts

29) You are so sensitive and caring to pets

30) You are a believer of positivity

31) You can handle and coordinate 5 people's work by yourself

32) You can get up so strongly so many times even after being shot down so many times

33) You value other people's opinions

34) You can still work even with a cramp that numbs your legs

35) You can still stand up for yourself in the face of adversary

36) Your english improved tremendously at the age where people just cannot learn another language

37) You can go one whole day without eating (but u better stop doing that arh seriously)

38) Your words are very powerful and influential

39) You think u are small when you really aren't

40) You are very thoughtful

41) You have a holistic mindset, can think of many aspects at once

42) You are extremely observant even up to the smallest detail

43) You are brave and willing to fight for what is right

44) You are direct and yet unhurtful

45) You are not revengeful (purposely give others the taste of their own medicine)

46) You can be elegant, cute, sexy and funny at the same time

47) You are very clear of what you want to do when you do it (everything can be done in perfect sequence without the need for pacing here n there)

48) You can make yourself smile just to let me feel better even though u feel horrid inside

49) You know what to say and when to say things

50) You are the world's best dancer (can even dance with london bridge is falling down, -.-)

51) You analyze things very well

52) You provide very good suggestions to solve or handle problems

53) You will go all the way just to convenience me

54) You can remember all the things you see from my camera and identify which ones were mine

55) You can always remember where I park my car

56) Your concept of love is so revolutionary, it inspires me (Love is not about finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an inperfect person perfectly)

57) You are the best conversant i've ever known

58) You hold the longest MSN talk with me that can be hardly rivalled by anyone (no one is even remotely close to that)

59) You have a very good fashion sense (know which colour best to match with which colour etc)

60) You can know what i'm thinking just by looking at my expression! *gasp!* (how pro!!!)

61) You can appreciate music very well, even when your expertise lies in dance

62) You look cute even when you sleep

63) Heck, you look cute even when u're sian with the -.- expression

64) You are really super duper creative (I know I mentioned this pt already, but must mention again cos really very creative!!)

65) You can be so concerned about me smtimes that my heart just melt and i feel like hugging you like a bolster like forever n ever until the end of time lor

66) I'm already feeling very hyped up and positive typing up to no. 66 of your positive and bigger-than-you-think traits

67) Your time management is excellent (brilliant estimate of time to wake up n go off for work)

68) You can calculate Ringgit to SGD SO FAST!!

69) You can distinguish tastes and appreciate food like a professional chef man...

70) You can remember how to pronounce a word properly just from 1 single reminder a few weeks back

71) On the topic of "big", yours are really bigger than you think leh... like... u know... your... u know... heh :P

72) You have at least 71 "bigger-than-you-think" character descriptions!!! woohoo!!

73) You are mindful of things that happen around you and take mental note of those things

74) You are extremely good at negotiating price! (the incident with the camera-less phone uncle!)

75) You are super hot even w/o makeup on (like the colddddd.... and di de da HOTTT!! sssss!!!)

76) You got a 3-in-3 success rate for interviews, WAY TO GO!!! :)

77) You can click-clock, click-clock in super high heels and walk fast even...

78) You have a very, VERY big heart. (one of the many, many reasons I really love you for)

79) You are an excellent story teller, so full of emotions and expressions..!! (love to listen to u tell me about ur work experience :D)

80) You think that 80 no more liao ar? hven't lor..!!

81) You are super PRO ... when it comes to making me feel good, oh yea...

82) You are so big, that it's impossible that I would ever think of not wanting you

83) My life already revolves around you, but I still feel that it's not enough

84) You change position in bed (while sleeping) more n more often until suddenly you wake up (heehee.. just an observation)

85) You rather freeze to death than die from heat

86) You are the most noble girl I've ever known

87) Your skin is soft and smooth like doufu... woo yahhh...

88) I can kiss you like 20 times and still find it not enough

89) Your fingers are really powerful! U give a super super good shoulder massage!! :P

90) You can still go work with totally numb toes... baby... haiyoh... really poor thing leh..

91) You want me to stop working and sleep beside u by keep Sedi-A-ing.. silly ger...

92) I believe with you, I can achieve more than I can ever achieve. YEAHHHH!! :)

93) You really know how to appreciate cheese... 佩服...佩服!

94) You know where the good food are!! (Marks & Spencer, Kim Gary, Macwings, BK's Spicy Chicken...u're good leh baby...!)

95) You can remember and understand all my RTs and T-Up issues even though they are so not-your-domain of knowledge

96) You somehow know when I'm lost on the road even though u claim you don't know how to go... sixth sense?? o.O

97) Your eyes... are the most beautiful eyes i've ever seen

98) Your soul... is the most perfect I've ever 体会-ded..

99) Your mind... is the most nimble and creative I've ever 见识-ded

100) You know you have more than just the 100 positive + "you-are-bigger-than-you-can-ever-think" traits... but u're still humble and think u don't