A whole lot of WHAT IFs

so many things i should have done, so many things i should not have; but i choose to believe it's all necessary for the bigger picture, that the bad decisions were just part of the "best" path i was supposed to take in life

so if i had a time machine i wouldn't change anything at all, because i think that my life has been perfect so far.

i'm waiting to see how interesting life's gonna get from now, just hope it's not too arduous for me to take...

xmas's coming soon!! merry merry hohoho~~

if an asteroid were to hit in 2 weeks

- drive, house, tell

b4 that, tell , love, go

hope, work, find

hold, close, die

if i were to go into a coma

Although I would say life kinda sucks... I wouldn't want to trade anything I've experienced for a rerun because I love those memories, be it good or bad.

wanted to write down everything from pri sch onwards...but so lazy... so...
summary...

really glad to know so many nice pple so many nice frens. sometimes just talking to them... is better than any consolation when i'm down....and how... all my frens really helped made me a better person...how i would always remember the 13 hour MSN chat.... how i would remember the first time i get knee-ed in the stomach by a ger..... how fun it was to harmonise during kbox.... practicing mi very first duet....haha... how i ever won a mahjong round b4 one cycle.... how i even got hated by the girl i liked so much b4.... how i ever missed a person so much i think of her every night.... how i slacked my way thru jc playing soccer.... my 1st gold medal with the band...the 1st time my lips touched a ger's 1st 3 months orientation game.... my first big solo playing the bass clarinet....my 1st solo playing the Bb clarinet...how i wont forget the wmc trip where it was more saddening for me than happiness.... how i can be so moody at times.... how black my face looked when i'm angry.... the broken promises that were never fulfilled.... how i thought of being more patient with my family and friends...how i wanted to live outside and have my own apartment...how i dream of having a huge kitchen.... dream of being married and having kids....naming my daughter....how i would want to treat my daughter like a princess... and how i hope she gets all the looks from her mum insteead of me...how i loved cooking fried kway tiao and bao yuntun....and fried rice... how i like to improvise and change things...how i wanted to learn pop/jazz piano....how i always dream of winning the lottery one day to get rid of all the stupid debts....the 1st time i shoplifted..... the 1st time i broke the house light playing soccer at home...and the many other subsequent times we dug out money from the piggy bank to buy new fluorescent lamps.... the many time i wanted to tell you how much i really liked u but i dunno hesitate for wad fuck...how much i enjoyed miself playing maple...hving to know that amongst all the childish kiddos in maple...there are also very nice ones.... how i slept in front of mi laptop slashing the wall with mi bandit and died..... how under weird circumstances i saw my 1st porn video...how i used to motivate pple.... how i like to influence pple..... how i want the world to be a better place....how i wished i had superpowers....how i wished i had taken my chances..... how happy i was when i got back my results a year ago..... how happy i was when i look into ur eyes and see urs smiling back at mine... how i never failed to feel warmth inside me when i see ur smile.... how i ever thought that if i were to go into a coma i should tell someone to tell me all these....

oh btw, it applies to if i lose my memory leh...so there. pretty much a summary of my life. not a very interesting one but nevertheless i should be able to recall something should anything happen! great ! okies now.... gotta go back to mi spastic fyp again.... and.... if you're not my fren but some stranger reading this post...BUGGER OFF!!

mmmm!

New year's resolution

1) Be more patient with everyone (esp my family pple; cos i'm supposed to love them the most ><)

2) Start to care more about others

3) Know more pple (esp girls :P), cos i hardly have anyone to talk to! -.-

4) Use more of my brain b4 i make decisions/say anything

5) (secret), hahahaahaahahahaha... :P


ok i'm fine!! back to my crappy normal self... thanks for all the consoling ~~~

always always nice to have frens who would be around to talk to when the dark clouds come in

i just wanna be happy

a simple debt-free life is all i want

doing the things i really like, and not what is expected of me,

just wanna be able to control my impatience and intolerance to pple ard me i dun understand and whom do not understand me.

dont even wan presents for my bday anymore

i only want that happiness that i've wished for for so many years. that freedom to eat what i wan, how much i wan. the freedom to play what i want and how long i want.

i'm freaking 24 by the end of the month and i'm still treated like a small kid

"do this....dont do this...remember hor... (repeat repeat repeat)..."

if i'm good looking i dont even have to try to work until so hard....dont have to try to be funny even when i'm not in the mood to...dont have to put up with pple just bcos i'm poor and no status...

no wonder pple say it's so nice to be a kid....no worries whatsoever...

i also dunno what i wan anymore. i dont have any dreams at all. now all i look forward to is to work to pay off all my stupid debts... all the stupid debts...

if $ can solve all these shit... i'd wish for a million dollars...

but can it bring me the happiness i've longed for for a very long time coming...


losing my sanity already...

stop trying to change me la

"why you wanna play mahjong ar? you going overnight ar? very fun meh?"
"when u play ps2 dont leave that light on this light on ley"

every time I play, or enjoy myself i'm always under this constant bombardment of nags. Good lor you. Now I don't even enjoy doing the things i used to enjoy so much in the past.

You can say i'm selfish or what. But if you didn't have enough fun when you're young dont take it out on me la. so many things i do also bu shuang. everything i do to relax to enjoy miself also want to ka jiao. Now dont feel like playing at all liao la. dammit.

all i can do now is bury myself at home to do fyp... very sianz... no one comes to visit me or save me from rotting at home... and pple at home dont understand me...

just need one person... who can really understand me...who i can really talk to... sigh... everyone keeps saying "i believe you will la...."

it's either i'm really hyper choosy or it's like... @*(#&^$*

just got one word to sum it all up...

fuck.