A whole lot of WHAT IFs

so many things i should have done, so many things i should not have; but i choose to believe it's all necessary for the bigger picture, that the bad decisions were just part of the "best" path i was supposed to take in life

so if i had a time machine i wouldn't change anything at all, because i think that my life has been perfect so far.

i'm waiting to see how interesting life's gonna get from now, just hope it's not too arduous for me to take...

xmas's coming soon!! merry merry hohoho~~

if an asteroid were to hit in 2 weeks

- drive, house, tell

b4 that, tell , love, go

hope, work, find

hold, close, die

if i were to go into a coma

Although I would say life kinda sucks... I wouldn't want to trade anything I've experienced for a rerun because I love those memories, be it good or bad.

wanted to write down everything from pri sch onwards...but so lazy... so...
summary...

really glad to know so many nice pple so many nice frens. sometimes just talking to them... is better than any consolation when i'm down....and how... all my frens really helped made me a better person...how i would always remember the 13 hour MSN chat.... how i would remember the first time i get knee-ed in the stomach by a ger..... how fun it was to harmonise during kbox.... practicing mi very first duet....haha... how i ever won a mahjong round b4 one cycle.... how i even got hated by the girl i liked so much b4.... how i ever missed a person so much i think of her every night.... how i slacked my way thru jc playing soccer.... my 1st gold medal with the band...the 1st time my lips touched a ger's 1st 3 months orientation game.... my first big solo playing the bass clarinet....my 1st solo playing the Bb clarinet...how i wont forget the wmc trip where it was more saddening for me than happiness.... how i can be so moody at times.... how black my face looked when i'm angry.... the broken promises that were never fulfilled.... how i thought of being more patient with my family and friends...how i wanted to live outside and have my own apartment...how i dream of having a huge kitchen.... dream of being married and having kids....naming my daughter....how i would want to treat my daughter like a princess... and how i hope she gets all the looks from her mum insteead of me...how i loved cooking fried kway tiao and bao yuntun....and fried rice... how i like to improvise and change things...how i wanted to learn pop/jazz piano....how i always dream of winning the lottery one day to get rid of all the stupid debts....the 1st time i shoplifted..... the 1st time i broke the house light playing soccer at home...and the many other subsequent times we dug out money from the piggy bank to buy new fluorescent lamps.... the many time i wanted to tell you how much i really liked u but i dunno hesitate for wad fuck...how much i enjoyed miself playing maple...hving to know that amongst all the childish kiddos in maple...there are also very nice ones.... how i slept in front of mi laptop slashing the wall with mi bandit and died..... how under weird circumstances i saw my 1st porn video...how i used to motivate pple.... how i like to influence pple..... how i want the world to be a better place....how i wished i had superpowers....how i wished i had taken my chances..... how happy i was when i got back my results a year ago..... how happy i was when i look into ur eyes and see urs smiling back at mine... how i never failed to feel warmth inside me when i see ur smile.... how i ever thought that if i were to go into a coma i should tell someone to tell me all these....

oh btw, it applies to if i lose my memory leh...so there. pretty much a summary of my life. not a very interesting one but nevertheless i should be able to recall something should anything happen! great ! okies now.... gotta go back to mi spastic fyp again.... and.... if you're not my fren but some stranger reading this post...BUGGER OFF!!

mmmm!

New year's resolution

1) Be more patient with everyone (esp my family pple; cos i'm supposed to love them the most ><)

2) Start to care more about others

3) Know more pple (esp girls :P), cos i hardly have anyone to talk to! -.-

4) Use more of my brain b4 i make decisions/say anything

5) (secret), hahahaahaahahahaha... :P


ok i'm fine!! back to my crappy normal self... thanks for all the consoling ~~~

always always nice to have frens who would be around to talk to when the dark clouds come in

i just wanna be happy

a simple debt-free life is all i want

doing the things i really like, and not what is expected of me,

just wanna be able to control my impatience and intolerance to pple ard me i dun understand and whom do not understand me.

dont even wan presents for my bday anymore

i only want that happiness that i've wished for for so many years. that freedom to eat what i wan, how much i wan. the freedom to play what i want and how long i want.

i'm freaking 24 by the end of the month and i'm still treated like a small kid

"do this....dont do this...remember hor... (repeat repeat repeat)..."

if i'm good looking i dont even have to try to work until so hard....dont have to try to be funny even when i'm not in the mood to...dont have to put up with pple just bcos i'm poor and no status...

no wonder pple say it's so nice to be a kid....no worries whatsoever...

i also dunno what i wan anymore. i dont have any dreams at all. now all i look forward to is to work to pay off all my stupid debts... all the stupid debts...

if $ can solve all these shit... i'd wish for a million dollars...

but can it bring me the happiness i've longed for for a very long time coming...


losing my sanity already...

stop trying to change me la

"why you wanna play mahjong ar? you going overnight ar? very fun meh?"
"when u play ps2 dont leave that light on this light on ley"

every time I play, or enjoy myself i'm always under this constant bombardment of nags. Good lor you. Now I don't even enjoy doing the things i used to enjoy so much in the past.

You can say i'm selfish or what. But if you didn't have enough fun when you're young dont take it out on me la. so many things i do also bu shuang. everything i do to relax to enjoy miself also want to ka jiao. Now dont feel like playing at all liao la. dammit.

all i can do now is bury myself at home to do fyp... very sianz... no one comes to visit me or save me from rotting at home... and pple at home dont understand me...

just need one person... who can really understand me...who i can really talk to... sigh... everyone keeps saying "i believe you will la...."

it's either i'm really hyper choosy or it's like... @*(#&^$*

just got one word to sum it all up...

fuck.

oh this is funny

Addicted to Good Sound

谭维维(Sitar Tan)



張靚穎(Jane Zhang)

I wanna sound like him one day

woohoo!!

a weird dream

I looked downstairs as the ball i kicked veered ever slightly over the ledge. It was raining. I saw the ball float helplessly downstairs as the wind and rain gave it a hard beating.

The ball suddenly changed direction and went into the balcony of the 5th floor apartment. I stared and stared, hoping the occupants will realise the ball's not theirs and just throw it back outside.

Then, my eyes were suddenly glued to this family burning offerings. I distinctly remembered there was you tiao, red bean paste bun thingey, and those fried vegetarian stuff on this very big plate. Suddenly I was so attracted by it. I rushed down to the 13th floor. How i even know it's the 13th floor, I have no idea. Anyway, it was one of those HDB flats where one block was linked to another. The stairway was so complicated I literally got lost and couldn't find this 13th floor.

By some sort of intuition, I realised I was not entirely human. My mind flashed back to how people who have seen me have called me a "hideous monster" or "妖怪" to be precise. I touched my face. My nose felt hideous. My mouth was contorted. And then suddenly I had a piece of cardboard with me. I covered my nose and mouth as I seemed to be gliding around the stairway area, still determined to find the 13th storey.

Yes. I found the large plate of offerings. I floated to it and as I went past it, immediately grabbed the you tiao and red bean thingey with my bare hands. I don't remember seeing hands though. But I tried taking a bite off the youtiao. The grandma came out. She didn't say anything. Then, just as I was about to return to the plate for a 2nd helping, her grandson came out, pointed a finger at me and shouted "ugly monster"!

I covered my face again and glided away. The rest just suddenly seems so cloudy. The next thing I knew, I was on my bed, confused, not sure whether it was part of my dream.

Miss the good old days of crap

Maybe it's the way I pull away from people, it's getting too effective. People dont seem to want to engage in any forms of communication with me now.

So I have this joke, OH!! but no one to tell it too...oh well...i'll just tell miself and haf a laugh about it myself. Where are the days when people sms me for no reason, saying things like "hey you know what i saw today?" or "i'm bored, entertain me". Not that I should be bitter about that or anything, just felt like, hey I just want a moment or 2 when I can have a decent human conversation or someone, or just a small pat on the shoulder...

And i really miss band alot. I miss music , I miss singing kbox.

给我点盏灯,将我心照亮...

i'm not crappy anymore haha

seems like i'm losing that crappy part of myself; dunno if it's a good thing.

eye fira furly feemis fisyou foovair fairee feema fudge!!!!! craps....

-.-

cant reach!!

my dad was watching the news. the music for the weather report came on. I tried singing along with it. And it was too high!! craps...

oh i've been practising "i still believe" by vivi + cao ge. think it really rocks woo! finding female vocals very familiar with this song! haha :P

nowadays, write so many emails to prof and proj grp members. Now after i post every entry to my blog, always type "regards, CZ"... then realised...TYPE WAD REGARDS!! mi own blog lor... -.-

k la i'm dam sianz... can this sem's exam papers + solns please drop from the sky?????

crap

It's 3.33am. I'm still awake doing FYP.

I ate nuggets. Crap. So much for avoiding oily food.

I see a distant light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it's not too far away.

My brain cant generate long sentences. *phew*

MAS Talk

What a nice dinner. Surrounded by intellectual people. Felt really shallow there haha. My table was like discussing CPF & aging popln issues. And I think being the only student from Engineering, the exec directors always wanted my views in response to the girls from accountancy.

"So, what course would you choose if you can turn back time?"

Accountancy girl : "I would still choose accountancy...blah blah (didnt actually bothered to hear her explanation - I should have huh..)

Exec Director: "What is the engineer's response to this"

Me (stunned): erm, (i think i didnt answer the qn directly...just mentioned why i chose engineering in the first place - the accountancy girl was staring...bet she thought I was like dumb or smth)

Exec Director (looking at me): What do you think the retirement age will be in the future?

Me : (i heard it but I was like totally lost) oh...come again?

Exec Director: (repeats qn)

Me : Oh, with the advancement of medicine and all, the life expectancy might be 100 in the future, and we might not be able to think of retirement till we are 75.

(Accountancy girl smiles as if like "100...siao...!")

oh btw, she kinda looked like nana...haha!! -.-

Think I didn't really leave a good impression to the Exec Directors. Keep talking about how I like to try new things to diversify my portfolio. When the MD took the stage he mentioned he don't like people who learn smth for 6 months then ask to learn another thing. "It must not always be 'me'...must also see how you can contribute to the company"

hMm. Overall it was an eye opening experience. Would gladly settle in MAS as a career. The working culture sounds great. Lots of opportunities available. And if I were to get into macroeconomics policy dept, my contributions would directly affect sg's economy! So yea, though I fared miserably in the "group interview" during dinner, still took back some positives from it.

Dinner was like french cuisine. Big plate, small servings. The water did help make me full. Although the aftermath of it was that I had to leave for the toilet in the middle of the MD's talk.



P.S. Think business school pple are quite easy to talk to. Managed to continue an extended conversation with this girl during cocktail session just by asking "hey where did you get this brochure from"

That's like the worst pick up line ever la... It worked nevertheless. Hah.

找不到

Mr Residue had an opaque green water bottle and nike shoes. Nowhere to be found hha. Now everyone wants to know how he looks like haha. stay tuned~!

I'm finally able to post a video... YEA!

Early in the morning, 6 o'clock...

I'm half hallucinating already. FYP... 他妈的...

Anyway, CYN!!! 我至少 = cute guy in the dark can? Sighz, I'm 帅 okie; when it's quite dark that time lah. But still 帅 what.

CZ to his future self: Please, if you don't mind, TAKE YOUR TIME MACHINE & COME BACK FROM THE FUTURE HELP ME ABIT LEY...wa lao...enjoying yourself in the future isit! pang sair kia...

Now also dunno whether want sleep or not. Chicken nene...

Thoughts are diverging, mind is boggling. Pupils are dilating. Double eyelids are appearing. Birds are flying, penguins are swimming; water bottle is empty, I'm thirsty. Songs are saddy, books aplenty.

FYP should be renamed F*** You, Professor. Aiya, but then again. 他人还算满好的啦. Just that, HAIYAH! Ok. Time to go back to my Eff Why Pee again...

SADNESS!!! crapz...

At the stroke of midnight

Ways to see who your future spouse will be


- Put a basin of water under the moonlight and shout the name of the person you really like and the "Matchmaker" out there will help tie that red knot.

- Peel an apple in front of the mirror and make sure the skin doesn't get cut off. In other words, peel the skin of the apple in a continuous strip

- Consult CZ, the "Clever Guess" Predictionist, or CGP for short. In other words, SOMEONE CHAT WITH ME LEY... call me wake up shee shee i also 爽

hmmm...

we didn't talk for a whole 10 min sitting beside each other... freaky... wad's up!! haha...

Was trying to think of a "problem" I had in school that needed your help (to break the ice), but I couldn't think of any...

pp & bad for 3 hours is super shiong. Very tiring.

say...waaad?!?

Tuition with my 2 kids today.

Tuition kid's mum (A) to another tuition kid's mum (B) : "This is the 1st time you see him right?"

B : (dunno what's the reply but check out the reply to this reply)

A : "帅hor? "

OMG!! HAHA!! Hven't heard it for a very longggg longggg longgg longggg longgg time le... last remembered someone said that was 5 years ago! Anyway, even if it was 客套话, it really made my day. HAHA!! YES ARHHH!!

P.S. I bet sure got pple roll eyes or smth... but WAAAEVAA!! woohoo!! :P

我要抓狂了!!!!

I so need a hug right now... studying is really driving me crazy!!!

I miss your voice ... i miss you :(

how to forget a person ever existed

1. Peg your memories of a person to an object that is about to be thrown away. Eg. Whenever you walk past the piece of paper stuck to the fridge, think of that person and the things associated with 'em. Do that for a month.

2. After a month, that piece of paper should almost look like that person. Now gather all the related artefacts of that person (photos, memos, etc). Take that piece of paper with the artefacts and burn it away.

3. As you walk off, say "you're officially gone" and do not look back.

4. The person is officially out of your life tada!!

hasty generalisation

- gers are full of crap and don't say what they mean and mean what they say

- gers dont mean what they say and are full of crap

- need i repeat myself again?

time to get down to work

i can now finally dedicate my heart to work. no more 放不下的恋情. you guys stay happy yea!

"i'm forward-looking, determined and driven..." *hands in*

"EXCELLENCE!!!!"

"waevaaaaa"

haha.. my daughter's dam cute

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH6-1e12Egs

(help needed for posting youtube videos ><)

the sun's too hot sometimes

The sky was as blue as the ocean. The scorching sun blazed down mercilessly which beat upon my face. I could almost feel the fiery tongue of the sun licking the moisturiser layer on my face. It's time to repair the car aircon. And so I did.

today's mum's bday! happy birthday to mum + happie 中秋节 to all~!! can't remember we're supposed to carry lanterns or eat mooncake or eat dumpling or eat tangyuan... maybe just eat chinese food today.

remember, remember the 25th of september... where the sun's so hot, in the small little red dot, and it's mum's birthday (haha...shit...no 押运 ><)

CZ's book of records

This is way overdue. I was supposed to have this since forever so here goes!

First to read both my old n new blogs: HM

Longest continuous urine time: 46 sec

Longest wait for an sms reply: 2 months

Most number of bi sai dug in a day: 8

Fastest shit duration: 18 sec

Fastest to win a mahjong round: 3/4 turns


This is only the beginning. More records will come! haha! feel free to compete for a place in my history books! :)

一群饭桶

Why the hell agree to meet at 10am when all of you don't come! fucked up man....seriously... WAKE UP LA! really tamade leh. you all wanna sleep i don't want ar.later sure give spastic excuse like "oh it's raining then very nice i cant wake up" really fucked up leh! full of shit lor! go n die la!

act cool!!

picture says it all haha!

something different

today 神雕侠侣 wore different colours lor. omg! first time in the history of mankind. should've taken a picture...oh well.

nana said just post something lor

i know this pic is long overdue. it was the genting+kl trip back in the hols. and the picture posting do work! haha.