Still can't sleep

Hate leh... Wad u do man, cz... 做人做 until ppl can hate u... U can go n die le luh...

Now that all these have happened already ... Dunno u luh... 你自找的.

I still maintain that I am successful in life only if I marry baby... N spend the rest of my life with her. Period.

I need to find a way to prove to her that I truly n sincerely love her...

2am... And the rain.. Is falling...

What is genuine happiness??

Is it when we laugh? Is it when our eyes sparkle with that magic glow on our face? Is it the pumping of "feel good" chemicals, endorphins, that our brain produces?

Why is it I can't sleep now? What is it my eyes hurt when I close them? Why do I tear so easily nowadays?

Should I be super strong? Wouldn't that make me very insensitive? But tearing so easily.. That's a sign of weakness...

Who am I? What is my mission in life? Along the way I'm blinded by so many things... That I forget how impt ppl close to me are.. ESP baby.. Who have been quietly sacrificing...

Don't wish to compare.. 比来比去... End up both also still unhappy.. But ayyy be fair to baby luh... She really gone thru alot leh...with her character, she did so much n stuff le... Stop letting her give in to u luh...!

You forgot wad u told yourself when u saw hw happy she was last time? Always give, until she begs for u to stop, then consider taking it a notch down... U told me yrself that u gain so much more happiness giving than receiving.. Then now.. See luh!! End up who give more?? Wake up luh cz... It's time to wake up..

At this rate that u dont turn into action ur innermost desires... I think sometimes even God would have trouble reading your mind...

Stop behaving like a kid, mr cz.. n pull ur socks up!!

I still can't sleep... Baby has been turning ard my direction many times le.. The memories keep flashing back:

- the $2 coupons.. Hehe! Who can forget the $2 coupons. Baby keep it like 宝 somemore
- the "for example" beach trip!! (wanted to throw her into the sea n play water with her, but... Hmm.. Later catch cold! No extra clothing somemore)
- the BK Spicy chicken w bacon..!! Didn't know it existed.. But it became my instant favourite! :)
- the times when baby n I cuddled to sleep, even with our hairs covering and poking on each other's skin
- "bedtimeeeee!!! Poopy bedtimeeee!!"
- the days of traveling down BKE early in the morning to fetch baby to work
- the times where I had time to find out how to soothe feet pain on the Internet.. And had baby giving me laugh number 4 when she saw the tennis ball
- the times we take picture in front of the mirror n post on fb.. Hehe!!
- "Laaa, laaaa... Laaaaaa laaaaaaa..!!!"
- the invention of "Hausa" n "Bianca"

Good times they were... Now it is time to create new good times...(regardless of whatever excuses u have)

Sometimes I wish my girlfriend checks my phone more thoroughly

Then maybe she'd see my plans...

Then maybe she'd know my intentions...

Then maybe I won't keep feeling like I'm going to cough my heart out when anything regarding breakup gets mentioned (it's a really sucky feeling to haf)

Mr cz Aka mr selfish... Stop thinking abt yourself n look at the person u love the most.

Ppl go thru so much shit le still must clear shit for u ah? Ay... U got hands got legs, cannot clear ur own shit ah?? Think of a way luh! Dunno how u get your 1st class honors de loh.. PUI ah!

Talk you idiot, talk! Keep quiet=death u idiot! Stupid cz!! *bashes cz's head*

Dunno what for study until so high, end up even expressing own feelings and intentions also so hard. I guess... I probably think too highly of myself already. seems like I really cannot multitask well.

Never had time to do anything worth mentioning for baby... All the time at work is all work, the time at home is just rest n sleep.. The time on the road is spent looking at the road.

I think no matter how innocent the car is, it certainly had brought about much misery. Sure it saves time, but.. Iya.. Dun even feel like recalling all the incidents le.

wonder if baby reads my blog.. Heh..

Can't sleep now... I bet baby also.. Saw her peek at me while I was typing. Hope she doesn't think I haf a mistress outside.. But then again, God.. You be my witness luh.. Don't talk about who big or what now.. As a fren to me ah.. Do u think I'll ever wanna find someone else to spend the rest of my life with? I really dunno how to assure baby that I'd marry her, bring her to England with me, have family with her, and remain faithful to her for the rest of my life. I'm sure u know right? You being the creator and all.. U see my intentions.. Ok luh, fair enough... I know she's been taking alot of shit from my side.. Can understand why she'd feel this way..

Haizz... What to do... You created me with a penis mah... The man has the responsibility to take everything, like a man. It's like going back to sec sch days... When I shouldn't express my feelings as raw and true as I am feeling.

No girl likes "sian ah". So probably "I'm stressed" is about the same also. gotta give also right? Cannot always take...

Aiyah... In this world, who not stressed.. No matter how stressed I think I am, there's always someone out there more stressed than me luh.. Don't find excuse mr cz .. Or.. Hmm.. Should I say... Future Dr cz? Hehe!

Sound like I'm freaking talking to myself and consoling myself sia.. Thanks angel cz. As for u, devil cz.. Fuck u!!

I need to get a hang of myself. Nothing is too big for me to bear.. So stop whining already..!! And blardy keep your promises luh!!! Last time Dad always don't keep promises.. And u told urself u don't want like him liddat.. Look wad you've done again? Abysmal, cz... Abysmal..!! *shakes head*

Cz... U gotta be strong u know...

Remember the time u just anyhow just roughly plan time to do the Kinematics Exam paper? Oh! And the MP2001 paper?? U told urself u learnt ur lesson on time management le.. THEN????!!!

Tell u hor.. You bully other ppl I don't care, u don't go bully my baby hor! U know how much she values punctuality u still hvent wake up ah? Yea I know u got work. So what if cannot finish? Who is to blame?? U urself wad!! Dont let others suffer bcos of your 烂-ness!

Hmm... Eyes also can't close... Wan sleep also can't sleep... Dunno luh... I really love my baby... But probably I show in the wrong way..

No excuses mr cz... No excuses... Wrong means wrong...





what is happiness? Happiness is